Back to Day One

Well, I finally got my replacement workbook and I started day one of the program tonight.  I had a lot of emotions going into this.  I know this program works and I knew when I graduated from it seven years ago that set backs or what they call growth spurts are inevitable, but I still felt some what apprehensive starting all over again.  I guess, in a way, I felt like some sort of failure for having to use these tools again.  In reality, it just goes to show how much I've grown since I hit rock bottom in 2004.  There is absolutely nothing wrong with knowing you need help and seeking it.  Knowing that I was slipping back into my old ways just goes to prove how much this program works.  If it didn't, I would have gone on living my anxiously angry life like nothing was wrong like I did so many years before.  So, instead of being embarrassed for brushing up on my life skills learned, I'm going to be proud of myself for knowing I need them AND putting the effort into these next 16 weeks.

If you think about it, "all over again" is sort of a loaded phrase.  Yes, I've dedicated the next 16 weeks to go through the learning process a second time, but it really isn't an "all over again."  This time around I'm going in with a much healthier mind, I know what to expect, I know it works, and I am excited to grow even further in this life long process.

After re-reading the intro and listening to the first lesson earlier, my fears and inhibitions dwindled and I knew I was in the right place.  I knew this is where I should be in this part of my journey.  In a way it was like getting to talk to old friends again.  It was also a reminder on how far I've actually come since my first time.  The first lesson is about signs/symptoms and I remember having 99% of what they were talking about.  Now, not so much.  Yes, I have my days, but don't we all?  EVERYONE has anxiety in one form or another, it's how you choose to deal with it that separates us.

I forgot that they want you to do a personal journal through out the program, and I am going to do that here.  I think it might be beneficial to not only me by venting off feelings, but to those reading to see that someone else "has that too."  I know that even now, knowing someone else has felt the same thing or experienced the same physical symptoms is very comforting.  It's sort of like a more reliable Dr. Google ;)  Of course I never suggest anyone using that!

So, that's where I am right now.  Buckle up boys and girls this may be a bumpy ride!  BUT, it'll be well worth it!

Much Love and Light~

Tammy