Be your own cheerleader

Seriously.  The person that counts the most in this battle is yourself.  Yes, it is beyond awesome to get praises from those around you, but when push comes to shove, you are the one who is stuck with you no matter what the circumstances are.  So why not be your own cheerleader?  Whip out the pompoms if you have to!

When I was at my worst, I had so many things that I "couldn't" do.  I'm sure a lot of you are feeling the same way or at least have felt that way in the past.  Sometimes we dwell so much on the things we "can't" do (or rather won't) that we overlook overcoming any obstacles.  Regardless of how small the task may be, give yourself a pat on the back for doing it.  What may seem like a small feat for someone is probably a huge deal to you!  Make sure you give yourself recognition for stepping out of your comfort zone and accomplishing something you previously wouldn't have done.  Not only does it deserve your praise, but it makes you feel so good about yourself!  It also helps solidify that you can do things and you can get better.  As I stated last night, dwell in the positive feelings...do a happy dance if you must...whatever it takes for you to congratulate yourself on a job well done.  You'd do it for your friends, family, kids...why not do it for yourself?

Even though I'm far better than I was, there are still some lingering issues that I have.  One of them being a phone phobia.  To put it plainly, I'd rather have root canal work done than call someone.  I find it so stressful and I usually have to work myself up for an hour over a five minute phone call.  I've always been this way, even as a kid.  Teenage girl on the phone all night long?  Only if they called me!  I think this stems from one or two incidents I had when I actually did call someone and I started to talk to them as if they were the person I was calling, and it was someone else.  I was so embarrassed by it that I think of it every time I go to pick up the phone.  OR, just the opposite, when you don't recognize the voice and ask for so and so and their reply is "duh it's me!"  Nothing like feeling like a complete jackass to keep you from making that mistake more than once!  Those things happened to me over 20 years ago and yet they are still fresh in my mind.

Well, leave it to me to have an office job.  Of course one of my main jobs in the office is answering the phones (fine, that doesn't bother me at all) and calling people back, especially during tax season.  I do have to say that over the 14ish years of working there, I've gotten a lot better.  However, I still find it nerve wracking to call people back.  I will usually do a whole bunch of call backs at once and every time I get to the bottom of the list, I do my little happy clap and pat myself on the back for getting through another 30 minutes of non-stop phone calls.  Do I look silly?  Probably, but I don't care.  I'm so proud of myself when I finish that it's worth it.  And, it does make the next round of calls a little easier because I know that in a few short minutes I'll be doing my happy little clap all over again.

Bottom line is, you are working on yourself so you need to praise yourself.  We spend enough time getting down on ourselves for doing x, y, and z it's about time we rooted for ourselves for doing a, b, and c.

Much Love and Light~

Tammy

One day at a time?

No, not the TV show.  Am I dating myself?  At any rate, I'm sure everyone has heard of this phrase before.  I'm also sure that most of you have heard it in reference to alcoholics and/or drug addicts.  But, sometimes one day at a time doesn't quite work.  This is especially true if you are at a low point in your life or are having a hard time at the moment. 

The saying is meant to help people with addiction (us included) to focus on the now and not the past or future.  Remember, if you are living in the past you're depressed, if you are living in the future you're anxious, if you are living in the present you are content.  All forms of addiction have anxiety and depression feelings linked to it, so it's best to focus on the present moments and take things one day at a time.  However, sometimes a whole 24 hours is too much pressure for us to handle all at once.  So, I encourage you to take things one hour at a time instead!  If you are having an issue, a pain, a moron client, whatever...take it for that hour, deal with it, then let it go.  If you are having a good time, are happy, are relaxed...build on that, absorb the positive feelings and enjoy the moment that is making you smile.  Eventually, like writing down your negative thoughts, the bad moments won't seem as bad and won't stick in our minds for long while the good moments will carry us through the day. 

Today I had some ups and downs, as I'm sure everyone did.  I went most of the day w/o stomach pain but it started to come back around noon.  So I told myself that yes, I know the pain is there, but it's not severe, and therefore I am not going to feed into the mind games my brain tends to play when I have a pain.  In other words, I gave it no power and chose to continue on with my day.  The next hour was lunch so that was good (fatty likes to eat).  The rest of the day just crawled along and was even keel.  My last 15 minutes of work turned into a 45 minute wait for a client who said she'd be at my office to drop something off within that 15 minutes.  The more I waited, the more upset it made me.  However, her rudeness is none of my control.  Although it made me mad, I chose to focus on the wonderful pedi present my mom scheduled for me for 5pm and I left those feelings at work.  FF to my spa pedicure when I happily picked out a pretty purple color that made me happy just to look at it and I eagerly hopped in the chair with a book I've been trying to finish for over a year.  Although I do have issues with them sanding my feet, I kept telling myself to just relax with it an enjoy it.  And, I did!  One hour of being pampered was amazing and now my Freddy Krueger toes are cut back and pretty again.  Even hours later I'm still feeling the affects of this amazing time my mom gave to me and I'm relaxed and ready to face tomorrow.  So, even though my day had bad parts, I took it one hour at a time, one issue at a time and it still turned out to be a really good day regardless of the speed bumps that I had to slow down and climb myself over.

There's a saying out there somewhere about not letting a bad moment turn into a bad day or a bad day turning into a bad life.  I'll have to find it, but you get the gist.  One bad moment shouldn't delegate how the rest of your day should go.  If you let it, you will be missing out on so many amazing moments.  Instead of living one bad moment to another, try to live one great moment to another.  So think back about your day today and list the amazing moments you had, even if they seem small.  Allow yourself to be happy.

Much Love and Light~

Tammy

Completely in tune...not always a good thing

Let's talk about heightened sensitivity tonight, shall we? 

I want to bring each and every one of you back in time a little bit until you find yourself sitting in your high school math class.  Doesn't matter which one.  You've been sitting in class for 15 minute already and have either been hearing your teacher explain something you've never heard of before, or have been listening to her "wah wah wah wah" like all the teachers do on Peanuts.  Regardless, you've been hearing nothing but her chat about something you are convinced you will never use again in your life time.  This is how "normal" people go through out life.  They listen to what is around them, take in outside noise, and disregard or simply don't even notice much of anything else. 

Now let's go back to math class.  One of your classmates every so lovingly brings to your attention the fluorescent lights making that buzzing sound it always does.   Awesome, now that's all you hear!  Will it ever shut up?   This is how anxiety sufferers go through life especially with their own bodies.  Because we have such a heightened awareness and sensitivity to all things around us, those light and constant "buzzes" most people don't ever notice will consume us.  We feel, hear, taste, and smell what most people don't, won't, can't, or could care less about. 

Because our nerves are stimulated all.the.time due to our brains being on overdrive, it only makes sense that we would be more in tuned with our bodies.  This isn't necessarily a good thing.  Granted, it's nice to know who we are and what works for us on a daily basis.  However, with our compulsiveness (especially when it comes to health issues) it just causes more anxiety and stress.  A minor ache or pain will happen and our minds will instantly go to that part of our bodies and try to figure out why it happened and what it could be.  Most people might get that same reaction, but the process may last all of a few seconds.  When no answer is found, they simply move on with life.  Not us.  We're over achievers!  We will dwell on it for hours, days, months, even years and it's a guarantee if the pain, ailment, issue was bad enough...we'll always remember.   It's all a part of that hypochondriac part of anxiety coupled with fear about what it is that does us in.

In the program I did, it was said that if there is a major problem, chances are your body will know.  Meaning, if you are humming and hawning over a minor ache and pain for days or weeks on end, chances are it's not a big deal and you need to stop dwelling on it.  I'm not saying the pain isn't real, because I'm sure it is, I'm saying that you probably shouldn't be consuming you're entire life around this one thing.   It won't help you to focus and waste so much energy on it anyway so just acknowledge that you have it but then tell it you aren't giving it any energy today and focus on something else.  I know it sounds silly, but sometimes you just have to talk to yourself like that.  I, at least, find it helpful.

Here are a couple of things I've learned with myself that may help you out in this area.  If I've told you this already, I apologize.  Tax season leaves me with a short stack of functioning brain cells.  Anyway, if you have an ache/pain or an other ailment that's been nagging you for a while, take notice to when it is actually bothering you.  If you are wrapped up in a book, TV show, movie, the internet, or anything else and you aren't feeling the pain at all then chances are it's anxiety/tension/stress related.  You may not notice it at first but eventually you'll think to yourself "hey that headache went away" and it's usually followed by "oh crap it's back" because you are thinking about it again.  Here's another example... If pain A is suddenly gone because you now have pain B, chances are it is also anxiety/stress/tension related.  I spent many years going from one ailment to another simply because I was giving one ailment power until another one came along and I forgot about the first one.  When I was at my all time low, I don't think there was one day where something didn't hurt me. 

I'm not saying that every ache, pain, and issue you have is anxiety related and I'm not saying that you shouldn't visit your Dr. (a much more qualified person than I am) if you feel it it warranted.  I am just telling you what *I* personally have experienced in my life and hopefully can put some of your fears at ease knowing someone else has had the same or a similar issue.

Much Love and Light~

Tammy

Happy Happy Joy Joy

Piggybacking my last post, I decided to take some time out and truly think about what makes me happy and what I like. I think I mentioned it a few blogs prior, that anxiety sufferers tend to purposely walk off the beaten path. Not necessarily because that is what we truly like (although that could very well be) but because we would rather not like what you like because “it's dumb”, “it sucks”, or any other negative phrase you can think of. It's all part of that Negative Nancy persona coupled with the “I'm going to shoot you down hoping to make you as miserable as me” attitude. Sometimes, we stay on this road so long that we start to believe that we really don't like x, y, and z. Granted, I'm sure there are a lot of mainstream things that each and every one of us doesn't like. I can name ten right off the bat, but when you don't like anything, that's when there's a problem.

I'm going to peruse my brain and list some things I do like and make me happy. As I said on Friday, I need to start focusing on the positives in life and not the negatives. We all know I could write a 20 page paper on things I don't like, but it's not about that. It is time to remind myself what I do like. This is a great exercise for all of us to do, actually. Not only does it remind you of what you love, but it helps break out of that fear we all hold on to so tightly. You know what fear I'm talking about? The one that jumps in front of our vocal chords when we try to admit we feel a certain way. The one that stops us from admitting most anything because “what if they don't like it”, “what will they say” ,“how will they react”, “will they think less of me now”, etc. BUT this is a whole other issue I'll get to at some point.

So, aside from my family (most of them anyway), my friends, and my husband (because obviously I love them otherwise why would they be in my life?), here's my list:

1. Music. I LOVE music! I grew up in a musical house hold in one form or another. My mom and sister were/are in drum corps, my dad taught me the oldies by always having them on. Mom also brainwashed me with Abba as a young child ;) I, myself, played flute/piccolo and was a proud Band Geek most of my school days. Music just speaks to me on so many levels. It's a great comfort to me no matter how I am feeling. Music has just always spoke to me, in fact I have many song lyrics in my journal while I was going through the program.
2. The Beatles. Yes, that's music, but if you don't know me much, I'm pretty obsessed with them. They just put so much emotion in their music. I cannot WAIT to see Abbey Road in 2013!
3. Traveling. Since I spent so much time locked away in my self constructed prison, now that I'm able to get out, I LOVE doing it! I've seen more places in the past 7 years that I have in my entire life. In the next two years I have Jersey, Vegas, NYC, London, Paris, and St. Lucia on the list.
4. Gardening. This I already talked about. I find it very relaxing.
5. Wine and Wine Tasting. I went to Cali just a few short years ago to do it with some new friends for the first time, and I've been hooked ever since!
6. Water falls/ocean waves. I just love the sound of water (unless I have to pee!). I could stare at a water fall or sit on a beach just listening to the waves all day long. Completely relaxing.
7. Campfires. There's no better smell in the entire world, to me, than wood burning. My favorite part of Spring/Summer is inviting myself over to other people's campfires. Yes, you read that right, we don't have the room here to burn. I can lose myself just staring into the flames. Not to mention s'mores! Mmmm!
8. Animals. With the exception of the two I'm afraid of, a sure fire way to get me to smile is to plop and animal in front of me. Aquariums and Zoos? Yes please! I loved being an animal handler at the CT Humane Society as well. It gave me a whole other point of view and I'm grateful I had the opportunity to volunteer there for a few years.
9. Food/drink. No, really...fatty likes to eat! A great meal or one of my favorite drinks can change my mood and seriously make me one happy girl. Hungry Tammy = Bitchy Tammy. Cherry Limeades, Sweet tea, crab cakes, potato salad, guacamole, peas, goat cheese, mussels, s'mores, and hot chocolate are some of my all time faves.
10. My Papason chair. Seriously my favorite place in the entire house to sit. I always wanted one and last year my neighbor decided she didn't want hers so I snagged it. It is also my blogging chair and my dip idea chair.
11. RuPaul. I look forward to Mondays because a know a new Drag Race will be on. He's got a great sense of humor, has the best laugh ever, and has done so much for the LGBT community. His general outlook on life is very inspirational.
12. Orange. LOVE the color orange. Just finding something in a store in that color makes me excited and happy. Not too many things come in orange.
13. Getting out and trying new things. I may be reluctant at some things but I do really enjoy trying and experiencing new things.

I think I will end it here. I'm so glad that I could sit in my super comfy blogging chair and come up with these things that make me happy and what I really like. When I was talking with my husband earlier this week and then blogging on Friday, it really made me sad to think that I didn't feel like anything made me happy. I knew that wasn't necessarily true, but to not be able to come up with at least ONE thing right away really got me down. I also felt that if I had to mull over it for days at a time then, did that “thing” really make me happy? Probably not.

Here's to all of us finding what makes us happy in life!

Much Love and Light~

Tammy