That remind me how far I've actually come on this anxiety journey regardless of me going back through the program. For this, I'm eternally grateful for having insomnia and seeing the infomercial, for me finally realizing what my problem was (7 years ago), and for my husband (then boyfriend) ordering me said program before I could even finish asking him if I could get it. As much as I feel like I've gone backwards in some things, today really opened my eyes on how better I am - above and beyond what my desires were so long ago.
Dad is off having surgery #3 on his spine. This time, in his neck due to a pinched nerve. The previous two surgeries were for his back. Same surgeon, same hospital, so third time around I'm pretty familiar with how things go. However, both times previously (once before the program, once after) I was with my mom. Unfortunately her boss is on vacation and there was no way she could be here and open the store at the same time. So, my awesome husband dropped dad and I off and I went in it alone. I had a lot of anticipatory anxiety last night going through scenarios in my head (that never happened as they often don't) about me getting lost, not finding the waiting room, etc. Not to mention the fact that hospitals give me the wicked heebies in general. As I sit here in the waiting room typing this out, I have to giggle about myself catastrophizing the whole day yesterday because nothing went wrong. Everything went smooth. So silly that we do this to ourselves every.damn.time for absolutely no good reason other than our minds feel the need to consume itself with negativity.
Since I knew I was going to have a long wait, I brought my work book in with me to do my homework. Yes, the program gives you homework. As I was going through the questions (pretty much just rating how you are feeling now and how this program will help) I was a bit dissatisfied about some of my answers on how I'm feeling in general. However, when we got to the part of limitations and rating anxiety levels during certain situations, I had to smile. When I first came across this pages years prior, 98% of what was listed was a limitation for me and anxiety at the highest level. Now, only two things on the list is something I would consider a limitation and even at that they still aren't things I'd completely avoid. Not to mention the fact that my anxiety level is mild/moderate not severe like it used to be. So *happy dance* for me!
This post really has no purpose other to remind myself that I'm not a defective as I think I am and to occupy my mind some while I'm waiting for the surgeon to come back and talk to me after the surgery is over.
Proud chicky today! *insert cheesy grin*
Much Love and Light~
Tammy
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