Now that my super anxious bout has subsided...and I no longer think I'm dying...I've been slowly trying to put on my big girl undies and move on with life. I'm having the worst case of winter blues I have every had in my entire life. All I want to do is sleep, but then again, my insomnia is back with a vengeance so that's not happening either. I have lost my desire to do a lot of things. I haven't run consistently since the end of October. It's a vicious cycle! I know that eating poorly (or not really at all) and not exercising is heightening my anxiety/depression issues yet I am letting those issues take over enough so I'm not getting up and putting the effort in to actually get off my ass and eat correctly. I am hoping February brings better feelings and positive changes regardless of it being tax season.
On a more positive note, I found the school that I felt was best suited for me and my needs to get my teaching certificate for meditation. I waited a few weeks to be sure. I kept doing research on it and re-reading the website and just looking around in general so I knew I was making the right decision for me. Not to mention the fact that Venus was in retrograde, so I didn't want that clouding my judgement in any way, even though I found this school way before that happened. I researched several schools but this one just spoke to me right off the bat. I felt a sense of peace reading up on it and getting an idea on what I would be doing to obtain my certificate. In other words, every fiber of my being was telling me this was the one. So...last week I bit the bullet and applied. I found it a tad strange that my application asked what my hobbies were. Is that normal? It's been a long time since I applied for school. I SOOOOO wanted to say something like "I like long walks on the beach..." but figured a university application was not the best place to be my normal sarcastic self. Good news is I was accepted!! I received my books a few days ago and plan on taking my time with the program. I already spoke with my professor and get a really good vibe from him. And, if that wasn't enough to completely convince me, the first chapter of one of my books completely resonated with me and my life. It was the final confirmation I guess I needed to say...yes...this is where you are meant to be. I'm very super excited about this journey and will probably write about it a lot. And, yes, I know I was "stupid", AGAIN, to start school during tax season but there are two reasons for that. 1) I want to earn this certificate sooner rather than later so I can start my business and 2) I think it may be beneficial to learn different meditation techniques during this time. I also have to do a minimum of 60 hours (can't log more than an hour a day) of meditation practice in order to be able to take my final exam. Hopefully I won't be as stressed out because of this.
At any rate, this is where I am today. Next week may be a different story, but I'll worry about that when I get there.
Love and light~
Tammy
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