Introduction

I've had blogs in the past but they never seem to keep my attention span for very long.  It occurred to me that the reason behind this is that although these blogs were dedicated to things I really enjoyed in my life, they weren't focused on who I am and what I deal with on a daily basis.  So who am I?  Besides what you can read over on the right under my picture, I am a person who has suffered with an anxiety disorder probably my entire life.  I am a girl who hid from the world for years and years because I didn't know what the heck was wrong with me and I just assumed everyone felt like this and it was completely normal.  I'm also the girl who when I figured out what it was, became so completely embarrassed about it and refused to tell anyone about it.  After all, my feelings, emotions, anger, scary thoughts, etc. would deem me completely insane.  I am also someone who is so blessed to have the people in my life to help me through my darkest hours and encourage me daily with my struggles.  I listed on the right that I am a "recovered" person with an anxiety disorder.  I put recovered in quotes because much like any other illness/addiction, there is no cure and at times it is a daily struggle.  Anxiety disorders coupled with anger issues and constant negative thinking are addictive bad habits much like smoking, drinking, drugs, etc.  You simply have to take it one day at a time.  There is help out there with out drugs, but please don't think I poopoo anti anxiety drugs or anti depressants.  I just believe not everyone needs them and they are overly prescribed as a quick fix.  I went with the CBT (Congnative Behavioral Therapy) route which helped me tremendously.  In short, it teaches you how to re-think in a more positive, healthy way.

This blog is for me but also for others out there going through the same thing.  Sometimes it just makes you feel a thousand times better knowing you aren't alone and you aren't crazy.  I have come a long way but I will visit back through my bad days, bring you though my current days and discuss things that help me and hopefully will help you.  I'm tired of hiding and this is going to take me a lot of strength to completely open up, but it needs to be done.  I'm at the point in my recovery that I need to visit the past and let those things go and realize I was not a bad person, I was a sick person.  Some of what I will discussed may trigger you, so if you are super sensitive, please read with caution.  I'm not holding back anymore and I need to get it all out there past, present, and future.

Much love and light to everyone!

Tammy